Christine Kirchner
Date Created: February 27, 2008
I get up out of bed in the morning, and go into the bathroom to take a shower. I turn the water on and start to undress. I take off layer after layer of my clothes, but underneath there is always another layer of clothing, and I can never reach my skin, I can never find my body. I even get stuck once or twice trying to get a shirt off, and I stumble around the bathroom trying to struggle out of my clothes. I wake up before I’m naked.
November 12, 2007
I’m pulling fabric out of my throat, sheets or scarves or rags or something. It’s red, and I’m pulling and pulling but it never ends. I’m choking and gasping and it’s painful. I start to panic more and more as I can’t breathe, and it feels like I’m not pulling out fabric, but part of my body, something internal.
Proximity
December 5, 2007
I’m sitting in a chair in the middle of a big empty room. I’ve been searching for something all day, and I am exhausted from looking and worrying and thinking. S walks up behind me, I can’t see her but I know that she’s there. She puts her hands on my shoulders and she starts cutting off my hair in big, uneven chunks. I know I have lost something and I am relieved.
Nesting
January 20, 2008
I’m pregnant. It doesn’t show, but I’m far along. I’m telling everybody that I’m going to have a baby. G asks me why I’m telling everybody, aren’t I going to abort it? I’ve always said I didn’t want a child. But it feels so good inside me, a warmth emanates from my body. I decide to keep the baby.
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